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ANXIETY

March 8, 2017

Anxiety is something close to my heart. I suffered with it from a younger age. I remember getting it slightly when I was at school, nothing to much back then just that hard to breath feeling when I was made to speak in front of the class or speak to girls. When I left schools I didn’t really have much going for me, I ended up getting involved with a dodgy bunch of guys. I started smoking cannabis from the age of 14, not too much to start off with but by the time I got to 16 I was smoking it day and night. I didn’t have anything else going for me in life so why not. Little did I know it was going to be the worst thing I ever did. Anxiety is seen as nothing to most, people just people being silly. To be honest I would probably say the same if it had not of happened to me. I remember the first time I had a full on panic attack. Its was in the job centre of all places, I started to feel like I couldn't breath and my heart felt like it was going to stop. I was living at my mums back then. I got home as soon as I could after that, then the following week I couldn't leave the house. The thought of being in public or out around people just started to freak me out. I didn’t understand anything that was going on with me. When you have an attack it feels like your dying. As the weeks went by things just got worse and worse for me. Then you turn to the cannabis to try and help keep you calm but the truth of the matter is smoking cannabis is what's making you freak out in the first place but people just don't see it it's a bad circle of events that keeps going round and round. After about 6 months of being stuck in this hell I couldn't even leave the house without freaking out and having a full on panic attack. In life no matter what happens to us we always have that inner safe feeling in are body's and minds, but with anxiety you don't even have that anymore. Its like being trapped in hell in your own body. I remember when I was 16 in my bedroom at my mum’s house looking at my turned off small black TV and I was thinking of ways to die I didn’t have the balls to do it to myself in the end but if someone would of give me a tablet and said take this and you will never wake up again, I would have asked for the bottle. It was the worse time in my life. I will never forget it as long as I live. After I stopped smoking cannabis and slowly started to take steps out of the house I slowly built my life back up but for so many others they are not that lucky. They live that hell day in and out. I spent sometime in a mental health centre close to where I'm from, I was shocked by how many people there suffered from anxiety. Almost all of them smoked cannabis. If you ever ask a cannabis user, they will all stand up for their drug use saying it helps keep them calm but it doesn’t it's really it’s the biggest problem they have. I worked with James Arthur back when he smoked cannabis a lot, he was about the most public person to own up to having anxiety at the time. He as since stopped smoking it and sorted his life out. I think the one case that really upsets me to see is Zayn Malik. He’s not done a live gig since leaving one direction because he suffers with anxiety. I can't say for sure but what's the betting it's also down to cannabis. I know how he must be feeling inside his head everyday its like a living hell. I really hope that he does get on top of his shit and stops smoking that shit if he is. He is a great talent it's such a waste but the main reason I wanted to put this blog out was to show people how serious anxiety really is and how it destroys lives’ everyday. If you know anybody who has it or acts like they have, try and be there for them, help them or just take on board what they are saying. Its not a joke or people just being silly. 

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